greeneyes cont.
Within a few weeks, I was happy again. My relationship with my husband was improving rapidly. My children were much happier, and I was making friends. While going through the last stage of my breakdown I had started losing my friends. Luckily today I know who my friends really are, and they have been very supportive of me and what I've been through.
The irony of all of this is that when I really started coming back into my own, Riley showed up on Buffy. With the introduction of that character memories came flooding back of how happy I was during college and at the beginning of my relationship with Jim. I started smiling more and I felt like I was in control of my emotions for the first time in over 12 years. I started being the person that I remembered from so long ago.
I stared surfing the net to find out more information about the cast of Buffy, namely Marc. I was interested in seeing what he had been in. Not so much I think because of him, as I really liked the memories that came back because of his character. What I discovered was that by all appearances he is a great guy. I really enjoyed his character, and started talking with other fans about Riley.
Which led me to the Bronze. I took a week to figure it out and one late night when my 1 year old couldn't sleep I stayed up all night, and posted with RD, one of the directors on Angel. I really enjoyed the friendly atmosphere of the Bronze and found myself there quite a lot. In my real life at the same time, I was becoming the person that I had been in college. I was smiling more and falling deeper in love with my husband. I made new friends and improved the relationships with friends that I had hurt during my break down. I was getting stronger every day.
One of the posters on the first board that I had posted on wrote a greeneyes theory. It basically stated that greeneyes was fun, youthful, playful, and seemed more like a single teenager than a married mother of two. The same poster one day wrote his opinion of several of his board "friends" and he wrote that greeneyes was fun, and flirtatious, witty and sophisticated. Well that made me stop and look at myself and I thought hey, I could be that person. That is who I use to be. My self-confidence jumped a mile. I started feeling better about myself and it showed in my relationship with my husband, family and friends. I was truly happy, and there was very little trace of the depression that I had lived with for most of my life. I was starting to truly live again for the first time in my married life. (more)
